I often find myself coveting a new pair of shoes or a new shirt that I see online. And really, why not indulge myself? I can afford them, (I don’t have very expensive taste) and I don’t consider myself irresponsible with money. I’ve never carried a balance on my credit card; I don’t have student loans. So, every once in awhile I’ll place an order, and my brand new [insert product here] will arrive at my doorstep. The big catch here is that I have extreme anxiety about buying myself new things. I decided to, once and for all, try to figure out why.
Recently I’ve been discovering (rediscovering?) my values. What do I value? How do I place value on material possessions? What do I really need? Is it OK to own things that I want but do not need?
Those questions brought me to determine how I define my “needs.” You might first think of food, water, a place to sleep, warm clothes. What about entertainment? I’ve decided that I don’t define my needs based on what can and cannot sustain my life. I understand that my needs are more spiritual than what my body needs to function – my mind needs to function as well. Beyond that, I don’t just want to function, I have a need to flourish rather than just get by.
Throughout all of this, I find myself often thinking of fashion (shoes, again!). Why do I have a desire to wear a pair of shoes that I look at and enjoy? Is it for myself or others? Is it justifiable? Is it moral? However defined my sense of style is (I’m comfortable with my understanding that I don’t dress to impress others, or to display status or wealth), I’m not sure that it is moral to purchase items that will eventually be turned back into the earth and destroy groundwater and have other deleterious effects. Just so I can wear some yummy sneakers! Plastic wedge with your ice water, anyone? Not to mention the human side of the equation – the humans who work to assemble my new shoes in less than inspiring conditions.
I argue to myself, “Life’s too short! Buy what you want while you still can!” Last year I went shopping with some of my roommates, and they went wild spending money. I was having credit card withdrawal just watching them. A few short weeks later, one of those same roommates passed away in a car accident. Every time I want to buy myself something, I remind myself of my friend, and I tell myself it’s OK to live for this moment – to live for right now. I still want to believe that; I still want to live today and not be worried about tomorrow, but I also don’t think that buying clothes and presents for myself is a reliable expression of that freedom and life.
So, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to remove the belief that more stuff = more happiness and creativity and self-expression.
I hope that some day I will discover a perfect, anxiety-free balance between my needs and wants. And all that stuff that I need? I hope it will fit in a backpack that I can throw over my shoulder.
Discover more:
5 Ways to Save the World at Zen Habits
I wish I had an iPhone! at No Impact Man